


The Sweat Lodge

by margarks



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Episode Related, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-15
Updated: 2010-09-15
Packaged: 2017-10-11 20:32:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/116793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/margarks/pseuds/margarks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sheppard and McKay participate in the Alialu in order to negotiate a trade between Atlantis and M2X-373. It works. In more ways than one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> One of my very first SGA fics. Thanks a bunch to wesleysgirl, spikedluv, and ladycat777 for reading this and convincing me it wasn't total crap. Extra special thanks to wesleysgirl for letting me know how many times I screwed up my commas and periods! And catching all my crazy mistakes! :)
> 
> A lot, and by that I mean about 90%, of the dialogue from The Storm and The Eye was taken from transcripts at Gatenoise.

Rodney blinked the smoke from his eyes. The tent was filled with it, making images of Sheppard and the villagers crowded inside with them swim in his vision. He was sweating and the villagers were chanting and the room was getting hotter and hotter. He reached out at the same time that Sheppard did, the tips of their fingers brushing lightly as the voices around them swelled into a crescendo.

The next thing he knew he was opening his eyes to bright lights and an annoying Scottish burr.

"There now, all better." Carson patted his arm, the monitor bleeping incessantly next to him.

"All better? What do you mean, all better?" Rodney's hands flailed, making him aware of how ever muscle in his body ached. "What the hell happened?"

Ford stepped forward, capturing Rodney's attention. "You and Major Sheppard passed out in the alien sweat lodge. Didn't wake up until we got you back here," he explained.

"Obviously." Rodney shook his head, only then noticing Sheppard watching from a bed across the room. "Maybe if _someone_ hadn't insisted I skip breakfast before the mission - "

"We had to fast." John rolled his eyes. "It was part of the ritual."

"Like they would have known!"

"In any case," Teyla broke in, smiling that patient, knowing smile. "You both did very well. The Antillions are more than willing to trade. They said you both were very... enlightening."

"Well, of course." Rodney's chin tilted haughtily. "They did get a glimpse of one of the most brilliant minds in this, or any, galaxy." He glared at Teyla and Ford's weak attempts to hide their grins.

"Yeah." John's voice cracked, and he winced. "Like it took a lot of brainpower to sweat every ounce of water from our bodies."

"If we had sweat every ounce of water from our bodies, we'd be dead," Rodney argued.

"Oh, Jesus." John gave a long suffering sigh. "Are we cleared, doc?" And when Beckett nodded, he swung his legs over and off the side of the bed. "I don't know about you, but I'm thirsty." And with that Sheppard headed out of the infirmary.

Rodney found him in the mess hall about an hour later. He'd headed to his own quarters first to shower and change and grab a quick power nap, something he'd perfected years ago. He'd been just as thirsty as John, but had decided he'd rather be clean first. He wasn't surprised to find him still in the mess, though.

Just because it was physically impossible for them to have lost all the water in their bodies didn't mean it hadn't _felt_ that way, even after the IVs Carson had given them both while they'd slept. He absently rubbed at the sore spot on the back of his hand, silently cursing Carson's sadistic tendencies.

Rodney joined John at his table. "So." He slurped down one of the two cups he'd grabbed. "That was different."

"At least nobody shot at us," John said, grabbing the other cup Rodney had brought.

"Hey!"

"What? You brought two!"

"And you've been sitting here drinking like a camel for the last hour!"

"Fine." John thrust the cup at Rodney, the water splashing over the lip and onto the table. "But I'm still thirsty."

"Join the club," Rodney said, drinking down the cupful and wishing he'd thought to get a pitcher.

"I'll go get us a pitcher," John said, and Rodney didn't wonder about the coincidence because then John was there with the blessed water.

"Thanks, John." Rodney was uncharacteristically grateful as he poured himself two more glasses.

John blinked, but apparently decided to let it go.

They sat together drinking, barely speaking, for another two hours before they each went their separate ways.

Later that night Rodney spent long hours tossing and turning, unable to sleep, the scent of herbs and the sound of alien voices ringing in his ears.

~~

Rodney woke, arching into the gossamer touch that whispered across his hard cock. He came with a rush of breath, his body spasming with a silent cry. Blinking, he stared at the bright wash of sunlight coming through his window, trying to remember the dream that had caused such a mess. He couldn't remember anything but hazy images and a low, insistent voice in his ear.

He shook his head as he got up to shower and change, then head for the lab.

On his way he ran into John.

John's face was scruffy with stubble and his eyes looked, not exactly bloodshot, but not exactly well rested either. But before Rodney could make either of these observations out loud, John beat him to it.

"You look like crap."

"Thanks, you, too." Rodney ran an agitated hand through his hair and wondered briefly when he'd begun thinking of Major Sheppard as John.

Then Elizabeth was calling John over and they nodded at each other, the tips of their fingers accidentally brushing as they walked by one another. Rodney ignored the bit of static electricity that passed between them and continued on his way to the lab.

Zelenka was testing a new piece of Ancient hardware they'd found in a room off the southwest pier last week. Rodney had studied the equipment and what schematics they could find in the Ancient database and theorized it to be a short range personal shield. It seemed to use the same principles as the one that had almost killed him several months back without actually attaching itself to a person. If Rodney was correct, and of course he was, it would project a shield about 1.2 meters wide and 1.7 meters long in front of the person holding the device. He wasn't sure exactly what it had been used for; it reminded him more of an old fashioned Roman gladiator's shield than anything truly useful.

Of course, he thought, shrugging, maybe the Ancients liked to to play Ancient gladiator games. Maybe that's where the Romans learned it from. Who knew?

"Can't you get someone else to test it?"

Zelenka was apparently trying to convince Beckett to participate in the testing. Rodney swallowed a chuckle. It was always amusing, when it wasn't something Rodney needed, to hear Carson complain about his lack of affinity with technology of any non-medical variety.

"You are, next to Major Sheppard, one of the stronger gene carriers. Though of course nobody so far has anything closely related to Major Sheppard's facility with the Ancient technologies," Radek admitted.

"See! Get Major Sheppard to do it!" Carson backed away. "Or Rodney! Rodney is here. He's got the ATA gene now, as well."

"Doctor Beckett, please." Zelenka pressed the device into Carson's hand, and it lit up immediately. "See, there? It is painless, no?"

"No," Carson grumbled and Rodney did chuckle at that as he opened his laptop and began scanning his notes. Carson grimaced and swung the device toward Rodney, pointing an accusing finger with the hand holding the glowing disc.

Rodney didn't even see the blast of green energy that slammed into his chest.

~~

Rodney blinked to find John staring down at him, hazel eyes dark with something he couldn't identify. "So, not a personal shield then?" One of John's dark brows rose at that, and somehow that made Rodney feel better. "How did you get here so quickly?" He asked as John helped him up off the floor.

John's face scrunched up in confusion for a moment and then he shrugged. "I was in the area and heard you blew something else up."

"I did not!" Rodney huffed. It had been Carson after all.

"Oh, Rodney, I'm so sorry." Carson was red faced with apologies as he checked over Rodney for injuries. "We should get you to the infirmary." He scowled at Zelenka.

"I'm fine, Carson." Rodney brushed both Carson and John off.

"You should get checked out." John's hand was still insistently on his elbow.

"I'm fine," he said again, surprising everyone but himself with his distinct lack of complaints.

"You're not fine. You've got a nasty bruise on your chest and probably worse," John said through gritted teeth.

Rodney's fingers automatically moved to press against his chest and he winced. "How did you -- ?" He stared at John for the minute it took Beckett to bully him out of the lab and down to the infirmary. John didn't follow and Rodney suddenly felt cold and wondered if he were going into shock.

But once they were there and Beckett had run his scans and drained him of enough blood to leave him feeling faint, he was deemed in good health. Except for the bruise, of course. Rodney fingered the outer edge of the purpling mark.

"Here you go, laddie." Carson handed him a small tube of ointment. "Apply that before bed tonight and tomorrow and you should be healed up in no time." He smiled, dipping his head apologetically again. "Tell Radek to find Major Sheppard next time he needs to test something potentially lethal, why don't you?"

Rodney nodded absently, taking the ointment and remembering the rush of relief he'd felt when he'd woken to concerned hazel eyes in the lab. He shook his head and nodded again when Carson warned him to take it easy.

He spent the rest of the day going over his notes on increasing the power output of the naquadah generators, not wanting to start any new projects after the last few days. His mind was always racing, that much was true, but sometimes he needed the break of a familiar problem to keep from overloading himself.

That night he stripped down to his shorts and lay in bed to spread the ointment over his chest. It tingled and warmed his skin, and before he knew it he was spreading the slick heat over his cock and stroking.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

John groaned as he ground the heel of his palm against a pebbled nipple. His cock was hard, and he'd barely even touched it. His whole body felt on fire, his chest tingling with heat. His hips moved restlessly on the mattress, eyes shut as he tried to find a friction he wasn't sure he could achieve. Then a grip, tight as a vise, squeezed around his cock and he cried out and came all over his belly and chest.

He lay there panting, unable to focus for several minutes before he finally came back to himself. He closed his eyes and inhaled the scent of spent come and sexual exhaustion, then shuddered. He wasn't even sure what had just happened but he wasn't complaining. He'd never come that hard on his own before, so whatever it was couldn't be all bad.

John reached for the t-shirt he'd left on the back of his desk chair and wiped himself up, too tired to take another shower. He rubbed at the spot on his chest that still ached a little from earlier.

He'd been walking by Rodney's lab when he'd heard Beckett's shout and felt it. An ache like he'd been punched hard in the solar plexus, and it only intensified when he'd seen Rodney lying on the floor unconscious. He'd flown across the room and checked Rodney's pulse, the pain receding only slightly when he realized that Rodney was alive.

He wasn't sure why he'd felt so strongly. Rodney was a member of his team. John knew that, knew that he felt an extra responsibility to his team, one that went above and beyond the responsibility he felt for everyone else on Atlantis. But they hadn't been in the field and this definitely hadn't been Rodney's first accident in the lab.

John sighed, and tossed the dirty shirt aside. He fell asleep with his palm still caressing the tingling ache in his chest.

~~

The next day they were set for a return to M2X-373. Beckett had gotten together the medical items they were going to trade and the Antillions had said they'd be ready with the wheat and pila beans they'd promised. John glanced over as Rodney was checking the holster strapped to his leg.

"How's the bruise?" John nodded toward Rodney's chest.

"Huh?" Bright blue eyes blinked up at him. "Oh, yes, yes. It's fine. Carson gave me an ointment."

"Good." He nodded at Ford and Teyla, then signaled the control room to dial the gate.

He stumbled over the event horizon and onto M2X-373 feeling dizzy and a little nauseous. "Huh." John glanced around to see Rodney in a similar state; Ford and Teyla both raised an eyebrow at them. "That's never happened before."

"What the hell was that?" Rodney spat as he straightened and stared over at John.

John shrugged back. "Maybe we're both catching a cold or something."

"That doesn't even making any sense!" Rodney gave him one of his 'you're too dumb to talk to' looks. "What would having a cold have to do with slight disorientation in the stargate?"

"Maybe it's like when you have a sinus infection and go flying. You know, you feel like your head's going to explode?" John suggested.

"You're an imbecile," Rodney muttered. "There's no air pressure change through the gates. That's like comparing apples and oranges! Let's just get on with it." Rodney gestured toward the village, visible from the gate, but still a good four or five miles walking distance.

They were only halfway there when it happened.

A snapping of twigs and a sudden high-pitched keening to their right alerted them, but not soon enough. It looked like a wild boar, but bigger, more like the size of a cow. The tusks were long and lethal, thicker than a human arm. But the strangest thing about it was the whining noise that rose from its throat as it charged them.

"Rodney!" John's voice brought Rodney out of his shocked stupor, but before he could move John was tackling him, shoving him out of harm's way. Shots were fired and there were shouts and screams and villagers everywhere.

John felt the tusk tear through his upper thigh, felt the blood flowing from him in large rivulets. He felt like an observer; the pain was so intense that he was mostly numb from it. Then Rodney was screaming, loud and girlish and John's mouth quirked as he tried to think of a suitable quip but darkness enveloped him instead.

~~

John remembered snatches of conversations, some hazy pictures of Teyla leaning over him, or Ford looking serious as he spoke with one of the village elders. He was in and out of consciousness and no matter how much he tried to focus and get himself to awaken fully it didn't happen. He remembered waking a few times to smoke and chanting and the feel of a cool hand in his.

"Sweat lodge?" he tried to mumble once, but he didn't think anyone heard him though the hand wrapped around his squeezed as if he'd understood.

Then one day he did wake, only to find Beckett standing over him with a scanner and a worried look on his face.

"What's up, doc?" John smiled weakly, feeling clammy and cold and very, very thirsty. "Water?"

"Right here." Beckett pressed a straw to his lips and John slurped thankfully. It was then that he noticed Rodney unconscious in the cot beside him, their hands still intertwined.

"What's going on?" he asked, worry immediately burrowing into his chest. It didn't feel odd to be holding Rodney's hand, though somewhere in the back of his mind he knew that it should.

"You were gored by whatever that thing was you encountered in the forest." Beckett stated the obvious. "Teyla and Lt. Ford were able to get enough shots in to the creature so that by the time the villagers arrived they were able to bring it down."

"What happened to Rodney? Did he get gored, too?" John looked for telltale white bandages on Rodney's body but didn't see any. He remembered distinctly pushing Rodney out of the way when the boar attacked.

"No." Beckett shook his head, but that worried look had returned.

"Well then what the hell is wrong with him?"

"I'm afraid we don't know, Major, though the villagers seem to have a... theory."

"What kind of theory?"

Just then the flap of the tent opened and Woul entered. "Major, it's good to see you are awakened."

"Thank you." John nodded a greeting. "What's wrong with Rodney?"

Woul smiled. "We believe he took the brunt of your injuries. He only needs more rest to regain his strength, do not fear."

John turned accusing eyes on Beckett. "You said he wasn't gored!"

Beckett sputtered but it was Woul who answered. "He wasn't."

"But you said he was injured." John's gaze swung back to the villager.

"No, Major. I said he took the brunt of _your_ injuries."

"What the hell does that mean?" John loosened his grip but didn't release Rodney's hand when the other man fidgeted in his sleep.

"It means he... took the pain for you," Woul explained. "Sometimes, when loved ones are injured and there is a particularly strong bond between them, one can help ease the other's suffering so that the injured party can heal more quickly."

John mulled that over. "I don't see the connection here between what you're telling me and why Rodney's lying here dead to the world," John said, then immediately regretted his words. They brought with it an image that left him feeling hollowed out inside.

"Your bond, Major, is probably what saved your life and what is keeping the doctor from fully awakening."

"What bond?" John said, exasperated.

Woul's brow darkened as he studied John's bewildered expression. "You don't know?"

"Don't know what?" John wanted to shout the words but he kept his voice even.

"During the Alialu ritual we all saw the ties that bind you and the doctor together, Major. And the Alialu would only have strengthened them. It's designed to purify your body _and_ your spirit," Woul explained gently, as if to a child.

"Are you saying that you somehow linked us? That we've got some sort of psychic connection?"

"The ceremony only strengthened what was already there."

This was ridiculous. John wanted to rant and rave. No. He wanted Rodney to rant and rave. There was no way that Rodney was going to buy some religious off-world ceremony binding them together for all eternity. "This is... for good? This link?"

"For good? You mean, will it last?" Woul shrugged, an incongruous gesture to his somber personality. "We have never seen one broken except through death, though they can weaken or strengthen as any bond can."

"Huh."


	3. Chapter 3

Rodney sank back into the comfort of his own bed in his own quarters. They'd been stuck on M2X-373 for two weeks while both he and John had healed. Though, he still couldn't quite believe Woul's explanation for Rodney's weakness. He must have been hit by the boar. There was no other explanation. Of course, that didn't explain his lack of physical injury. Damn it. Or the fact that his pain had been localized in his upper right thigh, the same region that John had been hit.

It did open interesting possibilities, of course, if this kind of psychic connection did exist. He should probably setup some tests, a few experiments with John. He wouldn't be a good scientist if he didn't at least test the theory, would he?

At least they'd gotten the pila beans while they were there. Rodney lifted the warm mug to his lips. It wasn't coffee exactly, but it was close.

 _John?_ He thought the call as hard as he could but doubted that John had heard. This link was certainly going to be fun if all it did was transfer their pain.

Of course, that was just the kind of luck they'd been having, wasn't it?

He sighed, then relaxed back into the bed for his first night back at home.

~~

"Okay, where do you want to start?" John spun on the stool beside him, his legs kicking out like a five-year-old's.

"Well." Rodney grimaced. This wasn't exactly his idea of a fun time, but he knew he'd never be able to rest until he'd tested their bond. "Since we know for certain it's supposed to transfer pain, we'll start with that." He picked up a sewing needle and pricked his left thumb.

"Ow!"

"Good." Rodney jotted down a few notes.

"You could've warned a guy."

"Yes, yes. Very sorry." Rodney sucked the drop of blood from his thumb and John shivered. "So, we both felt the pain. But you did tell me, did you not, that you only felt numb after the incident with the boar, whereas I was screaming in agony?"

"Maybe it was shock?" John suggested with a shrug. "Or maybe it's the level of pain? I barely felt that pinprick."

"And yet you cried like a baby."

"Ha ha, very funny," John said. "I mean, maybe the bond knows how much to transfer, you know, to ensure that we both survive."

"Hmmm," Rodney murmured as he pulled one of Carson's reflex hammers from one of the off-world medical kits Beckett sometimes took with him. His hands went to John's hips and stopped his fidgeting, and then man-handled him into crossing his legs. Rodney brought the hammer down just above John's knee and he kicked out. "Didn't feel a thing."

"Well, it didn't exactly hurt." John shrugged.

"All right, let's try a few low level electrical pulses." Rodney gestured toward John's shirt.

"That doesn't sound like a lot of fun."

"Don't be such a baby. They'll be _low level_."

"Why don't you try them on yourself? And I'll let you know if the pain gets transferred." John rejoined.

"I will. We're both going to get hooked up," Rodney said absently, pulling the light blue shirt he'd been wearing up and off. And when he turned back John was bare chested as well. He spread the slick adhesive in a small circle before pressing the electrode pads to John's pectorals. Then he did the same for himself.

The first shock was minimal and Rodney could tell that John had barely felt a thing. The next was stronger and Rodney's own chest tingled as John's back arched ever so slightly. When John cried out at the next shock, Rodney's pectorals convulsed as if they'd been shot through with current as well.

"Are you all right?" Rodney asked, his voice low.

"Yeah." John swallowed, sweat trickling down his forehead as he stared at Rodney's chest. "You felt that, huh?"

"Yes." Rodney suddenly felt as if the room was growing smaller, as if John were growing larger, and the moment was growing intimate. He tried to shake the feeling off. "My turn." Then he gave himself the same treatment, each succeeding shock growing stronger until he too gave a short cry as the current washed through him.

John was still sweating, his chest heaving now.

"Your nipples are hard." John's voice was scratchy, his observation ridiculously inappropriate.

"It's the stimulation." Rodney's hands fluttered above the electrode pads. "Yours are, too," he added, hands gesturing toward John's chest, the backs of Rodney's fingers accidentally brushing John's hardened nubs.

John moaned, and Rodney's own nipples hardened further.

"Maybe we should call it a night," John said, and Rodney watched his adam's apple bob in his throat.

"Yes, yes. I'll analyze the data tomorrow." Rodney watched as John stripped the suction pads from his chest and pulled his shirt back on. "Thank you."

"No problem." And then John was gone and Rodney berated himself for not forcing the issue and realizing they had to test if the bond worked to transfer more than just pain. He was a scientist, after all. And he could still remember the feel of ghostly fingers brushing across his nipples.

~~

"So, you're telling me that each of you can feel the other's pain?" Elizabeth was wearing her 'prove to me this is fact' look.

"Yes." Rodney slid the small Atlantian PDA across to Elizabeth. "The tests are quite conclusive."

"So is the fact that I was woken at 0500 this morning when Rodney stubbed his damn toe."

"I said I was sorry!" Rodney groused irritably.

" _Okay_." Elizabeth stretched the word out as if it would help her understand. Then she stared at them both for a long time. "Tell me what kind of liability this is going to be on missions."

"Well, we're just going to have to learn to take the pain, without actually taking the pain." Rodney explained.

"Or, we can split the two of you up. Maybe Rodney can work on the Beta Team and Gellis can take his place on Alpha," Elizabeth suggested.

"No!" both John and Rodney said together, surprising each other.

Rodney shook his head. "You don't understand. It won't matter whether we go on missions together, we'll still be linked. Even if I stay here in the labs, John'll feel my pain if there's another accident. Whether he's off-world or not."

"You've tested this?" Elizabeth asked, incredulous.

"Yes," John said, tiredly rubbing his face with the palm of his hand. "I went to PK3-212 and I could still feel the shock Rodney gave himself. It wasn't as strong as the ones I felt while we were in the lab together, but I felt it nonetheless."

"So, proximity isn't really a factor."

"Not to any noticeable degree, no," Rodney answered.

"And the Antillions can't undo this... this link?"

"They said they didn't do it in the first place. Only strengthened it." John shook his head. "Apparently it's always been there."

"Why?" Elizabeth looked from John to Rodney. "Why is there a link between the two of you and not, say, Teyla? Or Lt. Ford?"

"Well, there's no telling whether there is a link between John and Lt. Ford, or Teyla, or the four of us in some other random combinations," Rodney said. "The ritual apparently... exacerbated ours."

"Jeez. You make it sound like an infection or something," John said, annoyed.

Rodney shook his head. "Maybe it's just the kind of connection that comes from working closely together, as a team. We feel responsibility for each other, we're constantly forced into situations in which we place our very lives in each other's hands. I suppose if there were any situation in which some mystical ephemeral bond would suddenly come into play, it would be this. Or it could have to do with the ATA gene, for all we know," Rodney said, hands dancing around his head as he spouted his theories.

"So, you're saying this could happen to any one of us?" Elizabeth looked worried and Rodney rushed to contradict her.

"It's highly doubtful," Rodney said. "Even if others have bonds between them, the reason ours has grown so strong is because of the Alialu. And Woul said the bond could weaken, though of course," Rodney rolled his eyes, "he didn't say how."

"Maybe he doesn't know," John suggested.

Rodney grunted.

"Well, you're both grounded until we can get this figured out. We can't have you becoming simultaneously incapacitated during an off-world mission if we can help it." Elizabeth sighed.

Rodney could tell that John wasn't happy, but he nodded and they both walked out of the briefing room together.


	4. Chapter 4

John was sweating again, but he was too busy stroking his cock to notice. He'd woken up hard, his body spasming with need. There wasn't any build up, no nipple play, no soft touches to his balls. Nothing. He was just hard and aching and then he was fisting his cock, fucking himself as fast and hard as he could into his own hand.

He lay panting, exhausted and covered with come by the time he was through.

~~

"All right." Teyla sat cross legged in front of them. "First you must clear your minds."

"Clear our minds, right." Rodney snorted beside him.

"Just concentrate, Rodney." John ordered.

"Well, it's not that easy!" Rodney said. "My mind is very full!"

"Yeah, so's your ego." John smirked.

"Ha ha, very funny." But Rodney didn't say anything after that, just took a couple of deep breaths, and John followed suit.

"Good, good." Teyla praised them. "Just follow my lead. Breathe in as deeply as you can. Then breathe out slowly." Teyla took them through the breathing exercises a few times before they tried the first test.

Ford was standing by and when Teyla nodded at him he pressed the button that would send a mild shock through Rodney's body.

John grimaced.

"Concentrate, Major," Teyla instructed him. "Fix in your mind a point of light. Concentrate on that and only that." Teyla nodded again and Ford nodded back.

John felt the shock go through him, knew that it had been Rodney's pain he felt, but he tried to filter it, compartmentalize it, so that it wasn't the only thing he was focused on.

"Can we give the Major the shock next time!" Rodney said, irritated after the third jolt.

John put his hand on Rodney's arm and Rodney stilled instantly. "All right, let's switch it up." And John wondered if it was only him that was now receiving some bits of emotion along with the physical transfer of pain. He'd _felt_ Rodney's irritation, not just heard it.

"Thank you," Rodney bit back, but John could tell some of the frustration had left him.

They spent another few hours working on it, on trying to 'work' through the pain. Rodney had setup basic tasks, building blocks and other simple physical tasks for each of them to do while the other was in pain. Of course, these low level shocks were nothing compared to the pain of one of them being shot, or gored, or otherwise injured on a mission. But it was a start.

Afterward, John and Rodney headed to the mess together. They'd been spending a lot of hours in each other's company, partly because of the tests and the exercises, but also John thought that they were sort of drawn to each other. That something inside him, an almost imperceptible knot in his stomach, eased whenever he was around Rodney.

John assumed that it had something to do with the bond.

He felt... anxious, when he wasn't with Rodney. Worried. Which was ridiculous because if anything happened to Rodney, he'd know. He didn't have to be in the room to see it, he'd just _feel_ it. He wondered if Rodney felt the same. John assumed so, since Rodney didn't seem to mind John showing up at the labs during his off hours or asking Rodney to accompany him when he ran errands to the mainland that Rodney wasn't strictly required on.

And when Rodney didn't complain, John noticed.

They grabbed two trays, Rodney's just a little heavier than John's, and found a table. John was halfway through what looked like meatloaf, when he finally brought it up. "So, have you noticed anything different lately?"

"Different?" Rodney's face scrunched up in that way he had when he thought you were being a total imbecile. "You mean like a psychic bond that forces us to spend hours a day learning _not_ to feel it?"

John rolled his eyes. "No, I meant, anything different in the bond."

"Oh." Rodney chewed on a piece of hard bread. "Well, yes."

~~

It was obvious that the bond was growing stronger. And maybe that had something to do with the fact that he and Rodney were spending practically every waking minute together. Except that the bond was also the reason they _were_ spending every waking minute together, so it was just a vicious cycle looping endlessly in John's brain.

So, John did what he always did. He bucked the system.

"I'm going to the mainland," he said and when Rodney started to get up from his stool, John put a hand on his arm to stop him. "You're staying here."

For a second Rodney looked as if he were going to argue, but John kept his hand on Rodney's arm and let his thumb travel a circle around the hard nub of Rodney's elbow and he finally nodded. John realized last week that touch made the bond pulse and that if he thought really hard he could sometimes make Rodney, well, _understand_ him.

So, John went off to the mainland and Rodney stayed in the lab. John's stomach twisted into knots the moment the puddle jumper took off, but he ignored it.

"Are you all right, Major?" Teyla asked beside him and John nodded, gritting his teeth.

He brought the jumper down beside the Athosian settlement and watched Teyla walk off to greet her people. When she was out of sight he took a deep breath, and sagged against the ship. And then the knot in his stomach began to churn and sweat broke out on his upper lip and the next thing he knew he was bent double and dry heaving.

"Teyla!" he shouted into the radio as he hit the button to close the jumper doors. "I'm heading back. Harris'll pick you up."

"Of course," her voice came over tinny and concerned. "Is everything all right?"

"No."

~~

As John flew back, his hands shaking, he realized that he wasn't in any pain. He was nauseous and, hell, afraid, but he wasn't in pain. So, logically, that must mean that Rodney wasn't hurt. That it was something else. But whatever it was, there was no way John could stay away.

Rodney wasn't in the lab. John didn't have to go there to know that. He just followed the bond to the infirmary, his heart kicking up a notch when he realized where he was headed. But then he saw Rodney pacing, his hands moving restlessly together.

"Rodney!" John felt breathless, and the churning in his stomach loosened into a dull ache when he saw the expression on Rodney's face.

"Radek had an accident," he said, glancing over at the closed doors to surgery. "He's an idiot. I told him not to let the power spike above fifty terawatts but what did he do?" Rodney's hands were flapping maniacally around his head.

"Hey." John grabbed one of Rodney's hands and held it in his. He squeezed until Rodney stopped his fidgeting and just stared up at him. "He'll be fine."

"Yes, well, he's an idiot."

"You already said that." John's voice was soft, his fingers laced tight with Rodney's. The bond pulsed around them and John could feel Rodney's tension ease.

"Well, it's true," Rodney said stubbornly.

And then Beckett was there and Rodney pulled away but didn't release John's hand. "Carson?" Beckett didn't seem to notice, or maybe he just didn't care.

"Radek will need a few days recovery, but we managed to save his hand. The explosion did leave him with third degree burns on 40% of his right hand and arm. But, with proper care he'll be just fine."

Rodney sagged in relief and John tightened his grip on Rodney's hand. His other hand cupped Rodney's elbow in case he needed to support the other man's weight. When John glanced up, Beckett was raising a curious brow at them.

"Perhaps you'd be kind enough to escort Rodney to his quarters, Major," Beckett said. "I don't think they'll be getting much done in the lab today. The lads are still working on clearing the debris."

It was John's turn to look concerned. "How much debris are we talking?" He glanced at Rodney again, searching for any telltale injuries.

"Radek blew up the east corner of the lab," Rodney said, dully. John could see that Rodney's energy was flagging now that the danger was over. "There isn't that much debris but it did cause the power to overload in that section of the city. I should probably be working on getting that back up."

Since there weren't any living quarters there, John shook his head. "It'll keep." Then he steered Rodney out of the infirmary and straight to his quarters. "You need some rest."

Rodney didn't argue, but John wasn't taking any chances. He stayed until Rodney had stripped down to boxers and a t-shirt, and then helped him climb unsteadily into bed.

"I'm fine."

"Of course you are." John tugged the blankets up higher. He brushed the back of his knuckles against Rodney's forehead as he straightened. He didn't want to leave, the bond insistently poking at him, so he pulled up Rodney's desk chair, kicked off his boots, and lifted his legs to rest on the foot of Rodney's bed.

Rodney's breathing evened out eventually, and before John knew it he'd followed Rodney into a dreamless sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

After Radek's recovery, they made it a point to spend at least one hour apart a day, though Rodney thought the eight hours or more John spent sleeping were quite enough. Rodney never slept that long. So, he was always up first and conscious of the tug of their bond.

He'd surprised himself at his lack of annoyance, actually. He did what he had to do during the day; sometimes he'd go with John to work on whatever it was John worked on, military things, strategic meetings. John was still military head of Atlantis, even if he was grounded from off-world missions. So, he had to hear reports and sign off on strategies and the like.

Rodney always took a notepad and usually a laptop with him to do his own work when he had to follow John around.

But, he never complained. He thought about that once, about his lack of frustration with the interruptions to his own work, and he had a theory. He thought maybe the link was doing more than transferring pain or emotion during extreme duress. He thought maybe it was happening all the time, imperceptible to either one of them but slowly seeping into their skins. Rodney was becoming more like John, and John was becoming more like Rodney. Or maybe it wasn't so much that they were becoming like each other, but that they were fitting together. Filling in the pieces that each of them lacked.

Rodney was calmer, less... frantic. John was more... analytical? He didn't seem to be making as many snap decisions as he used to, although that could be a byproduct of his grounding. Rodney wasn't sure. And there was no way to test his theory.

He sighed, and rolled out of bed, taking time to jerk off in the shower before dressing and heading to the mess to meet John for breakfast.

That was another thing he'd noticed since M2X-373. He felt like a teenager again, hard and horny every time he turned around. He thought maybe there was something in the herbs they'd used to fill the tent with smoke, but he knew if that were the case they would have worn off by now. But he pointedly didn't think about the bond and its connection to his almost constant arousal.

~~

"I don't think you're ready."

Rodney could feel John's agitation at Elizabeth's response. He knew how much John wanted to get back into the field, but he couldn't blame Elizabeth's caution. Rodney wasn't exactly looking forward to the first time John pulled one of his heroic last ditch attempts to save the day. It wasn't so much the pain, well, okay, yes it was. But, it was also knowing that John was feeling the pain, too.

That would be just as hard to take as the physical pain itself.

They'd grown so much... closer in the last few weeks that it was difficult for either one of them not to respond when the other was hurting or upset.

"What's it going to take to prove to you we _are_ ready?" John said.

"I don't know." Elizabeth sighed, clearly wishing she had an answer.

"Well, that's just great! Are you saying we're permanently grounded? Why don't you just bring Bates in and let him know he can have my job?"

"John." "Major Sheppard." Both Elizabeth and Rodney spoke at the same time. Rodney covered John's hand with his, letting their skin come in contact. John's shoulders visibly relaxed.

"Why don't we setup some tests? Just like we do when we practice with Teyla. We can set them up so that we use shocks that would simulate actual field injuries." Rodney didn't like the idea of giving himself enough of a shock to simulate getting shot, but he'd do it if it meant they could get back into the field. "That way you can see that we can maintain our concentration, even through the pain. Of course, it's not guaranteed. An injury like the one we sustained on M2X-373 will incapacitate us both no matter how many hours we practice meditating, but it's going to take something pretty serious."

Elizabeth eyed them both for a long time before finally nodding. "All right, set up the tests." John started to grin, but Elizabeth stopped him with a look. "And then we'll see. We'll talk again after I've seen you two in action."

"Yes, ma'am." John saluted her with a grin, and Rodney shook his head.

~~

They spent hours working with Teyla that day. Rodney and John sat down and discussed the parameters of the test, John wanting to show Elizabeth exactly how much they could handle. Rodney agreed, though he wished there was some other way to do it.

He sketched out the tests, outlining the shock increments and the tasks each of them would be required to complete. There were a few basic concentration problems, such as solving simple mathematical proofs. There were also some physical challenges, like reloading a P90, or working free several knots tied in heavy rope. They setup the test for the following week, though John wanted to do it the next day. Rodney argued that they could use the time to practice their meditation and insure that they passed with flying colors. John reluctantly agreed, though Rodney knew he was itching to push the test forward.

The test would actually have to be over two days, though. One day John would be tested, and the next Rodney. With the amount of electrical energy going through their systems, neither would be able to perform properly without a break in between.

As it was, Rodney was exhausted just from having spent double the normal hours working with John and Teyla that day. So, he took a quick shower and then headed straight for bed. But instead of sleeping he lay there, dick harder than granite, feeling the gossamer light touch he'd become accustomed to over the past few weeks.

He was in denial. They were in denial. John must know it, too. Must _feel_ it, too. But neither one of them had said a word to the other, and the light touches and the constant horniness just continued. Rodney finally gave in, fingers fluttering over his chest, pulling at sensitive nipples. He arched into John's phantom touch with a groan just as his comm radio beeped.

"Yes?" He schooled his voice, hands stilling on his chest as he picked up the ear piece and answered.

"Rodney." John's voice came over the radio and sent a jolt down Rodney's spine.

"Yes?" Rodney said again, his voice dropping an octave without his express consent.

"Don't stop." John's voice was hoarse, and Rodney felt his fingers moving again, stroking his cock... and Rodney's, too, by default.

And so, it didn't look like they were going to talk about it. Apparently, they were just going to _do_ it. Going to acknowledge the fact that they felt pleasure as well as pain, and that neither one of them wanted to analyze the situation to death.

"Okay," Rodney answered dumbly, letting his fingers resume their twisting, pinching routine on his left nipple and his whole body jerked when John groaned over the comm.

"God, I've never had sensitive nipples before."

Rodney cupped his balls with his free hand as he moved his other to the right. "I have."

"Jesus, I can tell."

Rodney could feel John pinching the head of his cock, scraping the vein on the bottom of the shaft, just below the helmet with the blunt tip of his thumb nail. "God, _John_."

"Good, huh?" John's voice was a little smug, and if Rodney listened really hard he could hear the slap, slap of his hand on his cock as his breath rushed over the radio and into Rodney's ear. Rodney was just wrapping his own hand around the base of his cock when John's pleasure spiked across the bond and he heard a rough whisper, "God, can you imagine what it would feel like in person? Touching each other? Jesus, _fucking_ each other?"

Rodney couldn't help it, he came. His body arched and spasmed, John's voice in his ear; the pulse and throb of John's own orgasm washing through him via the bond.

When Rodney finally returned to himself, John was still on the comm. "You okay?" John sounded tired, and Rodney couldn't help smiling at the inanity of the question. He'd just come harder than he had in, oh, ever.

"Yeah." Rodney wanted to ask if this meant what he thought it did, but couldn't bring the words to spill from his mouth. Rodney never thought John would be interested in men. Well, actually, Rodney never really thought about John's interest one way or the other. Except to realize that Rodney wasn't going to be high on the list. Rodney didn't kid himself when it came to his own popularity, which he knew was fairly non-existent.

Which was why John's words had been so surprising. Did that mean John wanted a repeat performance, but in person? Did it mean John wanted Rodney? Or was it just the bond? Or was it just the heat of the moment?

Rodney wanted to know, but he didn't want to ask.


	6. Chapter 6

John stepped into the lab, Rodney's discomfort jittering at him through the bond. John didn't waste any time considering his options, instead he just walked straight up to him and leaned in so he could speak softly in Rodney's ear. "Hey."

"Hi," Rodney said, closing his eyes and shuddering lightly.

John tried hard not to let the swift spike of Rodney's arousal touch him. "Look, if you're not comfortable with it, we don't ever have to do that again," he said, though what he really wanted to do was haul Rodney out of the lab and to his quarters.

"Do _you_ want to do that again?" Rodney said, finally turning to look at him. "I mean, what was _that_?"

Rodney was wearing one of his electric blue shirts, the kind with short sleeves, so John took advantage of it. He reached out and cupped Rodney's elbow with his palm, letting his thumb trace calming circles over Rodney's skin. Rodney sighed and relaxed, and John couldn't help the hot little shiver that went up his spine at the thought that his touch could affect Rodney so visibly.

John glanced around quickly, but no one was paying particular attention to them. The other scientists had all gotten used to the fact that wherever Rodney went, John went and vice versa. And so no one had noticed anything unusual about his appearance in the lab that morning.

So, he lowered his voice, not because he wanted to avoid eavesdroppers, but because he had a feeling Rodney would react favorably to it. "Obviously, there are some aspects of this bond we haven't explored yet." He continued to caress Rodney's skin, leaning even further into his personal space. He felt Rodney tremble beneath his fingertips and smiled.

John didn't even know when he'd begun wanting Rodney. Maybe it was after the Alialu, maybe it was before. Woul had said the bond was pre-existing. And though Rodney could be exhausting and irritating all at once, John had always enjoyed spending time with him. He was funny, even in his arrogance, or maybe especially in his arrogance. And John knew, even if he tried to hide it, that there was another side to Rodney. A much less confident side. And John had always found himself drawn to it.

Rodney was also one of the bravest, most selfless guys he knew. Even if Rodney had a tendency to deny it, John had seen him in action.

And right now, John was staring into the face of that self-conscious, unsure Rodney. The one that tended to get buried beneath all the bluster. The one that always brought out all of John's protective instincts.

"So, it was just another experiment?" Rodney nodded to himself. "Of course it was. And you're right. As a scientist I knew it was important to test all the boundaries of our bond, but I wasn't sure you... I mean, that you'd want -- "

"I do," John cut him off. He debated how much truth to tell, but decided caution was best for now. He could feel his (and Rodney's) way through the rest. "We should test it. Like you said, figure out what the boundaries are."

"I'm not sure... I'll have to think about... " Rodney's face was a mask of confusion, his cheeks turning a faint pink. Then he sighed, his lips curving in a self-deprecating smile. "I don't even know how to begin setting up a test for that."

"Why don't we meet in my quarters tonight, about 1900 hours? I'll grab some food from the mess and we can have dinner." John squeezed Rodney's arm lightly. "We can figure it out then."

"Oh." Rodney blinked. "All right."

John's grin widened; he didn't think he'd ever made Rodney speechless before. Hell, he hadn't even known it was possible. "I've got some reports to go through. I'll meet you back here in an hour. We've got to make a run to the mainland to deliver some medical supplies. Then Teyla's meeting us in the practice room when we get back."

Rodney nodded as John's fingers slipped off his arm.

~~

John didn't spend the next hour very productively. He tried to read his reports, but his mind kept wandering back to the previous night. The way it had felt to know Rodney was enjoying it as much as he was. The way Rodney's voice, rough and hoarse, in his ear had made him climax harder than he could ever remember coming. He got hard just thinking about it, but he didn't touch himself. It was a whole different ballgame knowing that Rodney could feel it, too.

Maybe later if -- no, _when_ \-- they became better... acquainted, he wouldn't mind playing with the bond that way. Letting Rodney know he was thinking about him during the day, in the few hours, or minutes they were apart.

But first he had to ease Rodney into the idea. And they actually did have to test the bond. John wasn't sure what physical intimacy would do to the link. What if it strengthened it? What if it made blocking out the pain that much harder and they ended up grounded for life? John's heart started to thump fast and hard against his chest, and he had to stop and regulate his breathing, use the exercises Teyla had taught them, to calm himself down.

"John?" Rodney's voice buzzed in his ear. "Is everything all right?"

"Yeah, yeah." John responded quickly. "Sorry."

"Are you sure?" John could practically see Rodney's brow crinkle in worry. "Because if you're fine I'd really appreciate it if you didn't disrupt my work. It's very important, you know. Not all of us have time to sit around and have anxiety attacks over nothing." John huffed out a laugh, Rodney's biting sarcasm still unable to completely hide his concern.

"I'll try to keep that in mind," he said as solemnly as possible. "Go back to work. I'll see you in twenty."

"Oh, well, if I have your _permission_ to work... " John smiled as Rodney's voice trailed off.

They'd just have to learn to concentrate harder. Teyla would help them, John knew, if the bond did end up growing stronger. It was doable. It had to be, because there was no way John wasn't going to test how the link worked to transfer pleasure when they were actually pleasuring _each other_ rather than themselves.

And just to show Rodney what a real disruption was, John palmed his cock a few times, letting the cotton of his trousers rub roughly over his erection.

~~

After their meditation practice John pulled Rodney aside. "Why don't you go ahead and change into something comfortable, I'll grab dinner and meet you in my quarters."

Rodney still looked a little unsure, so John tried to take the tactical advantage by twisting in order to cover Rodney from Teyla and Ford's line of sight, then raising his hand to Rodney's chest. His palm landed atop Rodney's right nipple and he rubbed it as lightly as possible, feeling it bead immediately beneath the soft material of Rodney's shirt. His own chest tingled and his nipple hardened in response. "Half an hour, all right?"

"All right." Rodney's voice cracked as he said it.

"Good." John watched Rodney head off toward his own quarters, before turning back to Teyla. He nodded at Ford as the lieutenant left the gym.

"Yes, Major?" Teyla was watching him, her head cocked just a little to the right as she waited.

"Give it to me straight, Teyla. Do you really think Rodney and I can make this work?" He knew what answer he wanted to hear, but he also wanted a reality check. Just because he wanted to believe it, didn't mean it was true.

"Both you and Dr. McKay are doing an excellent job of focusing your energies." She began slowly, her eyes watching him carefully. John always thought Teyla saw way more than she ever let on. "You've both been able to accomplish a great deal more than, I believe, either of you might originally have expected."

"But is it enough?" John could hear the strain in his own voice and fought to regain the calm, mellow facade he normally projected.

"I believe," Teyla placed a hand on John's arm, her dark, fathomless eyes staring straight into his, "that only you and Dr. McKay can make that distinction for yourselves."

"What if..." John sighed. "What if the bond grows stronger? Do you think that we'll be able to master it well enough to function as an active team again?"

Her eyes never left his and John had a feeling she could see right through him, into his guts, or the very marrow of his bones. Into his _soul_. "Sometimes control, the type which you are seeking, can only be achieved through a greater harmony."

John nodded, hoping he understood, and that she was right.


	7. Chapter 7

Rodney stood just outside John's door, wiping his sweaty palms on his trousers. Part of him hated the bond. If the emotions were strong enough, John could tell exactly what Rodney was feeling. If he was nervous, or scared, or, hell, _aroused_. It made it hard for Rodney to feel comfortable in his own skin sometimes.

But the other part, the part that remembered the way John's voice had slid smooth as silk down his spine while they'd both jerked themselves off... That part _loved_ the bond.

And here he was, nervous and unsure, and Rodney knew that John must be feeling it. And if there was anything Rodney hated more in the universe than the Wraith, it was feeling unsure. He was a smart guy. Brilliant. He could think circles around any man or woman alive, and he _knew_ it.

But when it came to this... this social ballet, Rodney likened it to his musical studies. Technically proficient, but he didn't have any real feel for it. He knew the right steps, but he never seemed to be able to follow them without stumbling somewhere along the way. Of course, if all John wanted was sex, which was entirely plausible, Rodney wouldn't really have to worry about the social aspects, would he? He knew how to fuck. He wasn't a virgin.

But knowing Rodney, he'd stumble anyway. He'd probably end up falling in love with the moron and ruining everything.

Before he could work himself up anymore the doors slid open and John peered out at him. "Hey."

Rodney gave him a half-hearted smile, nodded a greeting and stepped inside.

~~

Dinner was a bowl of pasta covered with a dark brown meat sauce and something that tasted remarkably like chocolate pudding that John had gotten from the mess. For once, Rodney didn't mind not having an extra helping, or any of the hard Athosian bread he'd grown fond of. He was too nervous to really eat.

"Are you okay?" John emanated concern and Rodney sighed.

"Yes." John didn't look convinced, so Rodney shrugged. "Could we just... What are we doing here?" His eyes darted around the room to John's desk, his night table, his bed. He looked everywhere but at John himself. "I mean, yes, obviously the bond transfers p-pleasure." Rodney hated himself for stumbling on the word. He could feel his cheeks heating with embarrassment as well, so he ducked his head. "We've tested it, and it works fine. But it's not as if we have to worry about accidentally having an orgasm during a mission and incapacitating one another."

He couldn't do this. He couldn't.

"Rodney." John stopped him with a hand atop his. "I told you, we don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with."

At John's conciliatory tone, Rodney exploded from his seat, throwing John's hand off and pacing frenetically. "But why are _you_ comfortable with this? That's what I want to know! Why now? Why me? Why... Why.... Why aren't you freaking out about this? We're linked! Psychically bonded! I can feel your hand on my cock when you touch yourself!" Rodney blurted, his whole body flushing.

"Rodney." John was suddenly right there. His hands encircled Rodney's wrists, keeping his arms immobile at his sides. Rodney couldn't do anything but stand there, breathing heavily and leaning into John's solid strength. "Haven't you ever wondered where the bond came from in the first place?"

"I thought... " Rodney's face went blank for a moment, not wanting to admit more than he had to. "You're my best friend." In fact, John was probably Rodney's only real friend on Atlantis, or Earth, for that matter. _I care about you,_ he thought, but didn't say aloud. Rodney didn't have to think too hard about how the bond had sprung up on his side at least.

And then John was kissing him and Rodney's senses exploded with pleasure. He wasn't even sure he could describe the way it felt to have John's tongue teasing his gums, to feel the ghostly echo of John's pleasure merging with his. John's lips were wet and full, and they suckled Rodney's lower lip before covering his mouth fully. It felt like John was trying to learn Rodney through taste alone, sucking on his tongue, biting at his mouth, hungry and hot. Then John was pulling away and Rodney mewled a little sound of disappointment.

"I'm not here because of the bond. I don't want you because of the bond," John panted. "The _bond_ is here because I want _you_." John looked at him, hazel eyes boring into him, seeing every thing Rodney wasn't sure he wanted him to see. "And because _you_ want _me_."

Rodney was shocked into absolute stillness. He couldn't look away from John's dark, pleading eyes, couldn't move, couldn't speak. All he could do was stare and hope and _want_.

"Right?" John's voice was shaky, unsure. And suddenly Rodney could move, _was_ moving, arms snaking around John and pulling him into a tight embrace.

"Yes. Christ, _yes_."

~~

"Have you ever - ?" John was clawing at his clothes and Rodney was biting John's flesh, right on the curve of his neck where he could taste sweat-salty skin.

"Yes. Have you?" Rodney arched when John wedged a thigh between his legs, encouraging Rodney to rock his hips and rub himself there.

John nodded, the movement somewhat frantic as clothes were discarded and they came together skin to skin. "Jesus, did you feel that?" John groaned, rolling Rodney's nipple between two fingers.

Rodney wanted to say something sarcastic, something familiar. Like, _Of course, I felt it! You're touching *me*._ But his mouth wouldn't work for anything much more than a "Yes," or a "God," or a long drawn out " _John_."

Then he felt John, hard and slick beside him, their shafts rubbing together as John began to thrust against him. "I don't think I'm going to last," John said in one long rush of breath. "Fucking incredible."

And it was. It was so good. So incredibly good. Just knowing it was John, feeling his lanky strength covering Rodney's body, and the way the slip and slide of their cocks sent jolts of pleasure racing through him, them, each other. Jesus. It was too much. And too soon. And so fast.

And then Rodney was coming and his whole body clenched in need, until it felt like a dam had burst open and he felt John coming, too.

They were sticky and sweaty and Rodney was still panting when John rolled off him. And he shivered, cold with John no longer his own personal human blanket. And the doubts started to creep in, because John still hadn't said anything more than that he _wanted_ Rodney, which fell neatly into place with Rodney's original fuck-buddies assessment. So, he closed his eyes and just tried to get his breath back. Tried not to _think_. But he was Rodney, and that was just what he did. He thought. He reasoned. He theorized until patterns came together and solutions formed. Except he didn't have a solution for this problem. He didn't _want_ a solution to this problem. He didn't want his theory to be correct.

Because if all John wanted was a fuck-buddy, Rodney was already screwed. He'd already stumbled. Because, damn it, he was already in love with the moron.

Then John's arm was wrapping warm and safe around his midsection and pulling him close. And somehow they were both beneath the covers and John's lips were pressing a soft kiss to Rodney's temple. "Stop thinking so hard." The words whispered against Rodney's ear and he snorted. Like that was going to happen. "You're my best friend, too, Rodney." John said, and Rodney felt something inside him loosen and he closed his eyes and let himself nuzzle as close to John as possible. Because even if John hadn't said the words aloud, he'd felt them through the bond.

 _I care about you, too_.


	8. Chapter 8

John woke with Rodney tucked against his side, his breath skimming the short hairs of John's chest. John smiled and closed his eyes, feeling their bond pulsing strong and steady around them. This morning it felt almost... palpable. As if he could actually reach out and touch it.

It was still fairly early, the sun just making its way over the horizon. The light was filtering in through the east window, lighting everything with a soft golden glow. John took a deep, bracing breath, feeling Rodney's head rise and fall against his chest. He cupped Rodney's jaw in his palm and stared down into drowsy blue eyes. In the soft light, Rodney looked younger, the lines of concentration normally etched across his face absent. He felt a rush of feeling, a wave of affection, roll through him and knew from the slight curve of Rodney's crooked mouth that he must have felt it, too.

"Morning."

Rodney smiled, and John leaned in for a kiss.

~~

Three days until the first round of scheduled tests for Elizabeth and John was a nervous wreck, not that he let anyone know it. Except for Rodney, of course. There was no way he could avoid Rodney knowing.

Their bond had grown almost exponentially since the first night they'd slept together. They hadn't spent a night apart since, and John wondered what it would be like when they were forced to. When Elizabeth finally cleared them for active duty (because she _would_ , damn it,) and John would occasionally have to go on a mission without Rodney. Or vice versa. Not that it happened all that often, but it would, he knew.

Of course, he had enough to worry about at the moment without having to think of future problems.

John's door slid open and he felt the tight knot of muscles in his neck loosen when he saw Rodney waiting for him. They'd been spending more and more time apart, finding it easier now that the bond was stronger. It seemed sort of the opposite of what should occur, but he didn't look a gift horse in the mouth. It was much easier to get both their jobs done when they didn't have to accommodate the other's schedule.

He took a seat beside Rodney on the bed, close enough that their thighs were pressed together. He could feel Rodney's heat all along his side.

"Hi."

"Hi." Rodney cocked his head and looked him up and down. "You need to stop worrying. We're going to do fine." Rodney's hand came up to cup the back of his neck, his thumb digging into John's tense muscles. "You're too important for Elizabeth to ground you permanently. And I'm too brilliant. And important," he added at the last minute, smiling smugly.

"Thanks." John shook his head, kissing the corner of Rodney's mouth. "I think."

Rodney didn't answer, just slid his hand down John's back and around his side to grip his hip. Then he turned for another, longer, deeper kiss. John loved when Rodney took the initiative. Loved feeling Rodney's mouth, lightly nibbling on his upper lip, his tongue teasing John's. Rodney's kisses were tentative, almost shy, and they always made John's chest ache with something he couldn't even describe. He could practically feel Rodney's yearning in the light press of his lips.

"John," Rodney breathed. "I want... I mean, you can if you want... I know we haven't, but..." His hand gestured wildly toward his lower half. "God, I want you."

And John's whole body tightened with desire.

"Are you sure?" he asked, caressing Rodney's thigh. They'd rubbed off on each other, and even blown each other a few times. Once they even had this amazingly hot night watching each other masturbate, and Jesus, John would never have even thought of that before, but their bond magnified everything to the Nth degree and they'd nearly blown the tops of their heads off when they came. But Rodney hadn't ever offered this.

"Yes." Rodney fumbled with something on the bedside table, then handed it to John. "Carson gave it to me."

John looked down at the small jar of lubricant and blushed. "You told Carson?"

"Yes, John," Rodney huffed, pulling away a little to glare at him. "I explained in intricate detail how much I wanted your _cock_ in my _ass_ and he provided." He shook his head, his hand falling away. John's hip felt cold without the heat of Rodney's hand there. Rodney sighed, staring down at the jar in John's hand. "Carson didn't ask any questions. He just gave it to me. Sorry, if that embarrasses you." Rodney looked away and John knew, he _knew_ that Rodney thought he was embarrassed because of _him_.

"I guess there aren't many choices when there isn't a Walgreens on every corner, huh?" John said, stupidly.

"Look, we don't have to do anything if you don't -- " Rodney had started to get up, but John grabbed his wrist and pulled him back down, practically into his lap.

"Are you crazy?" John asked, hands moving restlessly over Rodney's belly, his chest. "Are you seriously questioning whether I want to fuck you?" John punctuated his question by thrusting his erection against Rodney's hip, gratified when he heard a soft groan. "You surprised me. And yes, I'm embarrassed. But not because of you. The thing is, I'm not exactly used to announcing my plans to have sex with anyone other than the person I plan to have sex with." John cupped Rodney's chin and twisted him until he could take Rodney's mouth in a sloppy, proprietary kiss. "So, yes, it's a little weird knowing that Carson knows we're going to have sex. But I'll live with it if it means, hey, _we're going to have sex_."

Rodney groaned again, a happy little sound, and turned in John's lap until he was straddling him. Rodney rocked his hips, pressing their erections together and driving John insane. A part of him was glad that they could still fight, still have misunderstandings, even with the bond. It made things a little more genuine. A little less science fiction 'aliens made me do it' kind of unreal.

John pulled and tugged until Rodney lifted his arms and then he tossed Rodney's shirt to the floor. John raked his fingers through Rodney's sparse chest hair, his groin tightening when Rodney's eyes fluttered closed and his head fell back. The strange feedback loop of sensation they always got when they came together started buzzing in the back of John's head and his own chest tingled at the sensation.

They'd gotten used to the echo of sensation now, but it still edged up their arousal a notch, and John knew there had never been and wasn't ever going to be anyone that could make him come as hard as Rodney McKay could. He helped Rodney out of his pants, and urged him to lie on his back while John stripped out of his own clothes as quickly as possible. Rodney's legs fell open while he watched and one of Rodney's hands snaked down to stroke his erection. John's cock pulsed against the echoing touch and he groaned.

"Jesus, McKay, are you trying to kill me?" he said, voice ragged. John's knees threatened to give out. He was shaking by the time he climbed onto the bed naked and reached for the jar of lube.

His cock was hard and leaking against his own belly as he pressed a single lubed finger into Rodney. It was tight and hot and amazing and John's own ass clenched in time with Rodney's around his slick digit. Rodney's head fell back and his eyes squeezed shut as he rocked back against John's finger, silently begging for another once he'd loosened up enough.

John complied, adding a second, then a third before finally pulling out to slick up his own cock. Rodney moaned and writhed on the bed as John stroked himself. He was surprised and a little impressed with himself that he hadn't come just from the stimulation he'd received preparing Rodney.

"John, please. Hurry, _god_." Rodney's cock was beautiful, flushed a deep red against his abdomen. The tip was wet and John could see the vein running along the bottom of his shaft practically throbbing with need.

He pressed the head of his dick against Rodney's opening, lifting both of Rodney's legs onto his shoulders. He gripped Rodney's thigh with his left hand and used his right to keep his cock lined up as he pushed in. Rodney tensed as the head popped through the tight ring, letting loose a long, amazingly sexy growl when it finally did.

John was panting, every breath leaving his chest aching as he fought for control. He could _feel_ Rodney around him, _inside_ him. It wasn't exactly like having someone enter him at the same time he was entering Rodney. John couldn't really describe it. But it was there, just this incredible surge of pleasure that started at the base of his spine and slowly filled every crevice and pore of his body.

And then he was all the way in. Sliding down until his balls were pressing, hot and pulsing against Rodney's ass. And it was incredible, and amazing, and so completely indescribable.

It was... coming home.

And the bond suddenly blossomed all around them; emotion and color and sound and taste and touch. It was everything and everywhere.

And John was thrusting, his body trembling. It felt like he was falling apart, shattering into a million pieces. And John knew that Rodney was feeling it, too.

Bruising fingers grasped his hips, and Rodney's voice echoed in his ear.

Then he was coming and Rodney was grunting with each pulse of his cock. And John didn't even have to _touch_ him, Rodney's orgasm somehow synchronized with his until the entire world went white and they collapsed in a sated heap.


	9. Chapter 9

Rodney was happy, amazingly happy. Part of it was that he could tell that John was happy, too. Their emotions ended up just feeding off each other and so far everything had been almost perfect. And once Elizabeth cleared them for active duty it _would_ be perfect.

He and Beckett were setting up the gym for the first round of tests. They'd decided this time to include Carson just as a safety precaution. Rodney didn't have any intention of them really hurting themselves, but with the level of electrical pulses they were going to be using today, it wouldn't hurt to have a doctor on the premises. Even if all Carson could do was poke them with needles and hope for the best. Ridiculous voodoo science not withstanding, it had also been one of Elizabeth's requirements.

Rodney ignored the first flutterings of panic, having gotten used to the ups and downs of being linked to another person's emotional storms. But when the feeling didn't go away, and the flutterings morphed into a tight knot in his stomach Rodney tried radioing John. And when that didn't work, the feeling had grown so intense that he radioed Elizabeth.

"His radio was shorting out last time he checked in. I'm sure he's fine, but maybe you should meet me in the control room."

The knot grew and twisted in Rodney's gut as he headed for the transporter.

~~

"Well, McKay will come up with something."

John's voice had been sure and solid and so had the warm reassurance he'd been loudly broadcasting, but Rodney still felt keyed up and desperate. He _wasn't_ Superman, even if sometimes, in his secret fantasies, he pictured himself that way. Not with the tights, of course, just with the manly heroics.

John sidled up next to him, and leaned in. "I really don't want to owe Smeadon a favor. I've got a bad feeling about that guy."

"I _know_. Don't you think I know?" Rodney hissed back, furiously working out calculations in his head, trying to come up with something, anything that would keep Atlantis safe during the coming storm.

"Hey." John's hand landed on his elbow, but this time it didn't help. "I have faith in you."

"I know you do," Rodney said, wishing there was time to explain how very much worse that made his total lack of ideas. Knowing that John was counting on him wasn't really any different than their previous missions, but the way Rodney felt about it was. He and John had been friends then, but now... now Rodney was in love with him, even if he'd never said the words aloud. And he didn't want to be the one to disappoint him, to tell him that there was nothing he could do to save their home.

Wishing he could reassure John the way John was trying to do with him, Rodney raised his voice instead so that everyone could hear. "Look, if you want everyone to live, you gate them off-world."

~~

"They're Genii," Rodney said. And Christ, could this day get any worse? This was what he got for being happy, right? The storm of the century was still bearing down on them and now this. Fear spiked inside him but he tamped it down, wanting to give John as clear a head as possible. It was John's turn to do the Superman thing, and Rodney had total faith in him. John would figure out a way to save the day.

Then Rodney saw the knife.

He tried to resist, hated knowing he was going to be the weak link, but in the end he gave in. The pain was nothing, really, compared to the strength flowing into him from the bond. He knew that John was feeling the knife, too, and decided that it would be better to try to stall the Genii later than to continue wasting John's strength and concentration.

He wished the bond was strong enough so that they could communicate, so that he could tell John why he was giving in. But they didn't get thoughts, just emotions and phantom touches.

His arm throbbed and he cradled it in his hand as he waited for Elizabeth to return and hoped for John's brilliant rescue. Then John radioed in and Rodney felt himself relax minutely at the sound of his voice. He knew John was alive and safe through the bond, but hearing him confirmed all Rodney's irrational fears that he was wrong. Seeing him would be so much better, of course, but they didn't have that option.

"When I get confirmation that the prisoners have been safely released and allowed to gate off Atlantis, I will help you find it." Rodney's anxiety ratcheted up a notch when he realized John would be left entirely alone, but Kolya obviously had no plans to agree to John's demand.

"Doctor McKay recently shared with me there's a plan in action to save the city."

"He _did_?"

Rodney winced. He knew John wouldn't blame him, would know he'd been tortured. But it hurt thinking that John believed he'd done it for himself. Rodney didn't want to think about whether that was true or not. He wanted to believe that he'd done it completely for John's sake.

~~

"Use lethal force only if necessary."

Rodney's whole body tensed as he waited, wishing there was something he could do. He felt helpless and hated it. Hated that he couldn't _think_ a way out of this situation.

 _Be safe. Be safe. Be safe._ He waited for the pain that would mean a bullet or something worse was ripping its way through John's body. But it never came.

There was a hard jolt to his back, but nothing like the intensity of a serious wound, then the radio crackled to life and John's voice came over the system, loud and clear. Rodney sagged a little in relief. "Let me tell you what you did wrong here, Kolya. A: you lost two of your men. B: you damaged the switch before I could separate the grounding rods, which I'm sure you're gonna get an earful from McKay for; and C: you lost all of what little credibility you had with me."

Rodney wanted to laugh hysterically when John told Kolya off, but he stopped himself in time. He realized what John was saying, what John needed him to do. He'd given Rodney the perfect excuse to stall for more time. To keep Kolya guessing and off balance.

"D'you have any idea of how big a setback that is? I may not even be able to activate the shield. I mean, I can't possibly ... " Agony seared through him as someone grabbed his wounded arm to try to shut him up. "Get _off_ me!"

Then he saw the gun and his protests died. John's voice was shrill and loud over the radio but Kolya ignored him and moved toward Elizabeth. Rodney could feel John's panic, his crushing sense of guilt. And he could _see_ Elizabeth's fear, and he moved without thinking, placing himself in front of her.


	10. Chapter 10

John's heart hammered against his chest as he waited.

"Major Sheppard…How's this for credibility? Weir is dead."

Anger and guilt roiled inside of him. His hand clenched around the P-90. "I. am. Going. To. Kill. You." Elizabeth was dead. Dead. John hadn't been able to save her. Instead he'd killed her. He'd pissed off Kolya. She'd still be alive if he'd just fucking obeyed orders.

"Maybe…stay out of my way. Or McKay will join her."

 _Rodney_. Jesus. John stood, staring at the storm for a minute, letting the freezing rain sleet across his body, trying to get his bearings after Kolya cut off communications. He was not going to let Rodney die. He was not going to let Kolya touch another fucking hair on his head. John absently rubbed at his arm, wondering what they'd already done to him. Hating the fact that he wasn't there to protect him.

~~

John aimed, every muscle tight with tension. He pushed back the feeling that he was shooting someone in the back, that he wasn't fighting fair, and thought of Rodney. If he didn't do all he could, Rodney would be dead.

Just like Elizabeth.

His eyes narrowed as the scope's red laser found its target, then he fired. All three men fell to the ground without a fight. He climbed down from the rafters and headed out, trying to think of something, anything to get them both out of this.

"Okay, what would McKay do?"

And it was like Rodney was there with him, whispering in his ear, telling him the best way out of this. John didn't question the idea, he just headed straight for generator one. After he cut the power to the control room and grounding station three, John focused on stopping the reinforcements. There was no way he would be able to hold Atlantis against a full complement of soldiers.

When he saw his chance, he took it, slamming his fist hard into Laden's jaw. It gave him a tiny sense of satisfaction, something killing the others hadn't done. He wasn't sure why. Then he entered his command codes and brought up the shield. He didn't stop to think about the sixty men he was arbitrarily killing. He was defending Atlantis, and Rodney, and himself.

~~

"If and when I determine Atlantis unsalvageable. Doctors Weir and McKay become obsolete."

John thought his heart might've stopped at that. "Weir's alive?!"

"Doctor McKay was able to make a strong case for keeping her alive…"

 _Rodney_. Thank god. Relief flooded through John even as he demanded proof.

"Sheppard! We're both here!" And, god, at least he knew they were _both_ okay, for now.

Then he was running, racing against time. _Ten minutes. Ten minutes_. Now that he knew Elizabeth was alive, John would do everything in his power to keep her that way. Keep all of them that way. And despite his earlier bluff, John knew that if Kolya thought the city was a lost cause he wouldn't hesitate to kill them. He'd heard the anger and the rising hatred in Kolya's voice as he'd ranted over the men John had killed.

John was vibrating with tension when the guards found him. So _close_. "I don't mean to be a bad prisoner or anything, but Kolya is going to kill one of my people if I don't get this thing back on in time, so -- "

He wanted to cheer when he turned to find Ford, Teyla, and Beckett at his six. "What the hell took you guys so long?"

"Well there's a storm…" Ford started to say but John shushed him.

He wanted to laugh in relief, but didn't have time. He had to stay focused. Rodney and Elizabeth were still being held hostage, the storm was still coming, and the city was still being held by hostile forces.

He split the team up and headed to the control room, to Rodney. He could feel the bond pulsing and pulling at him.

~~

"Change of plan. You get McKay " John closed his eyes and took one long, bracing breath, then he opened fire. He wanted to be the one to ensure Rodney's safety, but of the two of them he knew he was the better shot. If they wanted Elizabeth alive and free, he would have to trust Ford to take care of Rodney.

Then suddenly it was over. The Genii were gone and the shield was up. He looked over at Rodney who was staring back hungrily, as if he had to see for himself that John hadn't been hurt. John's eyes wandered to Rodney's arm, to the bloodstained sleeve of his jacket.

His mouth tightened in a grimace as he walked over to inspect the damage more closely. "I never doubted you." he said, his hand coming up to cup Rodney's elbow in a familiar, comforting gesture.

Rodney gave him one of those half-smiles, his eyes stormy and dark as they stared into John's. "I'm glad you didn't do something stupid and get yourself killed."

John's hand tightened on Rodney's elbow. "Yeah, likewise." And then he kissed him. It was the first time they'd done anything so demonstrative in public, but after the day they'd had, John didn't care. Rodney was alive and the city was safe.

When he pulled away, Rodney was panting, and his face was flushed. "John, I'm sorry I told -- "

"Hey," John interrupted. "I know why you did it." He dropped another, more chaste kiss on Rodney's lips. "Thank you."

And Rodney melted against him. The bond was a warm buzz along John's skin, finally appeased now that they were safe and together.

"Ahem." Elizabeth came up beside them. Rodney tried to jerk away, but John held him tight. He wasn't ready to let go yet. "I suppose we can dispense with the tests. As of right now you're both back on active duty."

John's mouth split into an ear to ear grin.

~~

Later, when the storm had finally played itself out, they headed back to John's quarters. John had stuck close to Rodney throughout the rest of the night and he _still_ wasn't ready to let him out of his sight. The doors slid open and they collapsed on the bed, too tired to even undress.

John wrapped his arm around Rodney's middle and pulled him close. He nuzzled the back of Rodney's neck, breathing in the scent of sweat and musk that was uniquely Rodney. "You gave me a scare." John trailed his fingers over the bandage on Rodney's arm. "I didn't know what they were doing to you."

Rodney shifted closer, twisting so that he could wrap an arm around John's chest and bury his face against his neck. "Yeah, well, I was worried the pain would slow you down, and that you'd get yourself killed because of _me_." Rodney's voice broke a little on the last word and John dropped a kiss in his hair.

They were good. They were okay. John wondered if they could really do this. If they would survive the stress of putting each other in danger during off-world missions.

"Hey." Rodney must have felt his tension and worry because he lifted himself onto one elbow so that he could look John in the eye. "What's going on?"

Rodney was staring at him, concern etched in every crinkled line around his eyes. And John knew that they didn't have a choice. Danger would come whether they went off-world or not, as was obvious from their recent encounter with the Genii and the storm from hell. At least, if they went on missions they'd be pro-actively doing _something_.

Rodney was still staring, looking more and more concerned when John lifted his lips to Rodney's. "Move in with me."

"What?"

"Move in with me." John rolled them so that he was on top. "I don't want to worry about convincing you to spend the night, or to let me spend the night, after we've had a long day in the field."

"You wouldn't actually have to _convince_ me, you know. I mean, obviously I'd want -- "

John stopped him with another kiss, his hands roaming south to work at the clasp of Rodney's pants. "Move in with me." He pulled the zipper down and slid his hand inside. "I love you."

"Oh, god, _yes_." Rodney's hips surged off the bed with a groan. "I mean, yes. Yes. Of course. Jesus. I love you, too."

"Good." John smiled, then proceeded to convince Rodney beyond all doubt.

THE END.


End file.
